I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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