I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
this will be a night to untag.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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