hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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