somebody snuck up and got me drunk
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
