Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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