I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
