Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Found your dick twin last night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
