They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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