shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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