So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
