My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
