I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
