why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
