drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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