Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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