so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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