On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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