My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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