my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
time to smoke my breakfast
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
