My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
