We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
