If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
