I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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