Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I will die if light touches me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
