but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
