I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
