o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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