Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
