Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if only i could text you this smell
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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