i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
