This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
