That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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