i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
