her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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