Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
