I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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