We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
