So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
