Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
