Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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