i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
