"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
