dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
