she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sext me about skeletons
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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