You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
