well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
