This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
