He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
