it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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