just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
