the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
